In the name of Allah, the Most Compassionate, the Most Merciful.
I bear witness that there is no God but Allah and that Prophet Muhammad (sallalahu alayhi wasallam) is His slave and messenger.
In September 2015, I began my journey to memorizing the Quran. This journey has been one that I have difficulties expressing into words. I am grateful to Allah for guiding my heart and making the Quran a source of comfort and ease for my heart.
I started memorizing Quran because I wanted to take something with me to my grave that would not fail me – I had gone through a very, very rough period in my life and was drowning in my grief, unable to express my sorrows and my grief to none but Allah. I found comfort solely in salaah and in the words of my Lord. It was during Ramadan, in the second half of the month that I spontaneously (I have no clue how this happened, SubhanAllah) asked Allah to make me of the People of the Book. I was a tired, broken and imperfect slave – to be honest, I still am. But the Quran, it was the healing of my broken heart.
I read all that I could to learn more about how to memorize Quran – why you should memorize, how to memorize, when to memorize, tips and tricks, dos and don’ts – I immersed myself in learning about how to place the words of my Lord in my heart forever. Alhamdullilah.
I decided to start from the 1st juzz despite hearing that most people find it easier and recommend that you should start from the back, with the 30th juzz. I felt like starting from the first juzz and memorizing in chronological order would be the best choice and would allow me to remain humble (starting from the start is more difficult than starting from the shorter surahs in the 30th juzz – atleast in my experience).
I started off so very eager and then after a few months of memorizing and revising, I found myself vulnerable – my mind was occupied with odd thoughts: ‘you are not good enough to memorize the Quran’, ‘you are not modest enough’, ‘you are not committed’, ‘you will never be good enough in your tajweed and recitation’. I seek refuge in Allah from the whispers of the shaytaan.
Lately, I had been experiencing a lack of confidence in myself, doubting my intentions, my abilities, my commitment and consequently not being as effective in my memorization. I recently spoke to a dear friend of mine, a hafidha of the Quran about these thoughts to which she replied, “You do not have to be good to memorize the Quran but rather it is through the Quran that you will become good.” These words still echo my mind as I reflect upon my life and all the phenomenal changes that have occurred therein due to the memorization of the Quran. From the way I dress, to the way I interact with people, to my conscience to my preferences. It has helped me get closer to Allah swt. I am at a loss of words when I think of how my life has transformed ever since I started memorizing the Quran.
Alhamdullilah, my conversation with my friend has motivated me a lot and has helped me realize that what I am experiencing is just the whispers of Shaytaan. I have decided that I need to identify the problems that I am facing and then come up with strategies to overcome them.
And so, this is my ‘to-do’/self-reminders list in sha Allah:
- Make dhikr often – when you fall weak, call upon Allah. He is Near! Don’t let the whispers of the shaytaan divert your attention from your purpose and goals.
- Recite the words of Allah often – on the bus, walking to class, sitting in the library – recite the Quran. Take any available opportunity and engrave His words in your heart. Make His words the most dear to your heart.
- Cry to him in the middle of the night. Re-establish the habit of tahajjud – cry to the One who can heal, who can grant your wishes and desires, who can protect you and open doors for you.
- Increase in charity – smiles, volunteering, money: through any medium, through any means, give for the sake of Allah
- Make du’a constantly that Allah accepts this journey and grants success. Ask Allah to keep you sincere, consistent and humble in your hifz journey.
If you are memorizing the Quran or are interested in memorizing the Quran and you self-doubt/lose confidence or find yourself giving up, don’t! Turn to your Lord, Your Creator, Your Master. Cry to Him, ask Him to make you among the People of the Book and beg him to make the Quran your companion.
Any and every good was from Allah and Allah alone. All mistakes present are from myself and the Shaytaan. May Allah forgive me for every shortcoming. Allahumma Ameen.